I realized a long time ago that my bedroom is a physical representation of how things are in my life. And it's a mess right now.
My daughter was stepped down from Residential treatment last Tuesday to Partial. In Partial treatment, you go to the treatment center eight hours a day, six days a week. (For more information about how the mental health system works, see this posting.) The treatment center is about 50 miles from my home and with traffic, can take three hours one way. After the first day of driving out there to pick her up, I knew this was not going to work. So I packed up and stayed in a hotel out near the center for four days. We are hoping to step her down to IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) tomorrow, which is three hours a day, three days a week and, hopefully, at a facility a bit closer to my home.
During the month or so that my daughter was in residential treatment, life returned to "normal" for me. Actually quieter than normal since my son is no longer here during the week. I finally cleaned up my room and closet, paid the huge stack of bills that had been sitting untouched since all this started, even finished a couple of projects that I had not been able to get to before. I did not feel the need to go to Al Anon meetings and stopped reading my daily meditations. And I stopped blogging.
Both kids were home this weekend, the first time in a month. My bedroom has become our "hub." We watch our Saturday night movie in here while eating pizza, as evidenced by dishes left behind. My daughter has been working on some craft projects at my coffee table and all the supplies are still out. Laundry is mounded on my bed, waiting to be folded. File folders that I ransacked earlier in the week are piled high on my desk.
My room is a mess, and not for negative reasons, but it is still a mess. It still needs to be cleaned up.
Today, while my daughter is gone most of the day for her last Partial treatment day, I will work on cleaning up my room both physically and metaphorically. As I clean up after my kids, I will think about how to teach them the discipline to clean up after themselves. And as I put away the laundry and the files, I will work on a plan to bring discipline back into my own life.
Time to establish a new "normal."
Showing posts with label Al Anon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al Anon. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
leaving it in God's hands
There are only a handful of people in my religious community and my daughter's academic community who know about what is going on. One question that has come up frequently from people who are associated with the school is, "Who did she do drugs with?"
I struggle with what my answer should be. In the letter that my daughter wrote me when she entered rehab, she named names. Some of the kids are still attending that school. I assume the "right" thing to do is to turn over the names to people in authority and yet, something holds me back.
When I first learned about the drug use, I was desperate to protect my daughter; to make sure she never associated with her suppliers ever again. And so I asked her who she used with and promised never to tell anyone who they were. She gave me one name at that time, of a guy who was not returning to the school. I found that highly suspicious. In the letter the list is much longer.
On the one hand, I am reluctant to tell anyone because of the promise I made her, even though it is one I made in desperation. I feel like, if we are to have any hope of building trust, I must keep my word. On the other hand, I am fearful of what people's motivations are for asking me for the names or what they will do with the information.
My pastors and one of my closest friends who happens to work at the school have asked me to share the names so that they can help in their professional capacities. I believe these are the people who should know and I will encourage my daughter to tell them, herself, one day.
I struggle when other people ask, especially other parents. I understand the desire to want to protect your child. If someone knew my daughter was using, I would have wanted them to tell me. And yet, I still hold back.
I hate the thought that this might become gossip, serving no purpose than to make the gossiper feel self-righteous.
I am fearful that another family will be hurt by well-intentioned but clueless others.
And the last thing I want is to launch a crusader who feels they must now save us poor sinners.
I've decided the best thing for me to do right now is to trust that God will reveal to people what they need to know and when they need to know it. And to follow the Al-Anon principle of anonymity. Drug use is no one's business but that of the user and the people who love them. If God gives me the opportunity to share with the parents of one of the kids on the list, I will, and with no one else.
I struggle with what my answer should be. In the letter that my daughter wrote me when she entered rehab, she named names. Some of the kids are still attending that school. I assume the "right" thing to do is to turn over the names to people in authority and yet, something holds me back.
When I first learned about the drug use, I was desperate to protect my daughter; to make sure she never associated with her suppliers ever again. And so I asked her who she used with and promised never to tell anyone who they were. She gave me one name at that time, of a guy who was not returning to the school. I found that highly suspicious. In the letter the list is much longer.
On the one hand, I am reluctant to tell anyone because of the promise I made her, even though it is one I made in desperation. I feel like, if we are to have any hope of building trust, I must keep my word. On the other hand, I am fearful of what people's motivations are for asking me for the names or what they will do with the information.
My pastors and one of my closest friends who happens to work at the school have asked me to share the names so that they can help in their professional capacities. I believe these are the people who should know and I will encourage my daughter to tell them, herself, one day.
I struggle when other people ask, especially other parents. I understand the desire to want to protect your child. If someone knew my daughter was using, I would have wanted them to tell me. And yet, I still hold back.
I hate the thought that this might become gossip, serving no purpose than to make the gossiper feel self-righteous.
I am fearful that another family will be hurt by well-intentioned but clueless others.
And the last thing I want is to launch a crusader who feels they must now save us poor sinners.
I've decided the best thing for me to do right now is to trust that God will reveal to people what they need to know and when they need to know it. And to follow the Al-Anon principle of anonymity. Drug use is no one's business but that of the user and the people who love them. If God gives me the opportunity to share with the parents of one of the kids on the list, I will, and with no one else.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
another one of those "when the time is right" lessons
I asked a woman to be my sponsor on Tuesday but it's not working out.
I don't fully understand the sponsor relationship. From what I understand, your sponsor is the person that not only answers questions for you, but provides guidance and instruction when you are struggling. I have been told that you want to find a sponsor in Al Anon relatively quickly and how you choose one is that you sit in meetings and listen, and when someone says something that you can really relate to, then you might want to ask them to be your sponsor.
And in my mind I thought, REALLY? That's all it takes? Someone just "says something" and you're supposed to initiate this really difficult and intimate relationship with that person? But I'm trying to work this program as I understand it so I asked a woman that I met at Tuesday's meeting to be my sponsor after about 3 minutes of conversation. She is a lovely person. When I talk with her, I am impressed with her confidence, calmness and assertiveness. She has 22 years in the program and is mother of a teenager. She is everything I thought I wanted in a sponsor.
When you are beginning a sponsor relationship, you're supposed to call that person everyday for the first 30 days so she and I talked yesterday and today. I realize now that I got exactly what I thought I was supposed to have. Her attitudes and opinions are exactly the same as the religious conservatives in my life that I have to engage with on a daily basis but that I try to distance myself from emotionally. It's just when she says those words, she couches them in "Program" lingo as opposed to religious lingo. Don't get me wrong, she lives the principles and advice that she gives me; there is no hypocrisy here. But she "expects" that I will eventually get to the place that she is at, and to me right now, it feels like it is taking me back to the place where I grew up and to which I hope never to return.
One thing I am learning through this whole process is to trust myself, that I should not - cannot - do anything unless I feel ready to do it. I was not ready to initiate the sponsor relationship and only did so because that is what I thought I was "supposed" to do. When the time is right, and the right sponsor comes along, I trust that I will know it.
I don't fully understand the sponsor relationship. From what I understand, your sponsor is the person that not only answers questions for you, but provides guidance and instruction when you are struggling. I have been told that you want to find a sponsor in Al Anon relatively quickly and how you choose one is that you sit in meetings and listen, and when someone says something that you can really relate to, then you might want to ask them to be your sponsor.
And in my mind I thought, REALLY? That's all it takes? Someone just "says something" and you're supposed to initiate this really difficult and intimate relationship with that person? But I'm trying to work this program as I understand it so I asked a woman that I met at Tuesday's meeting to be my sponsor after about 3 minutes of conversation. She is a lovely person. When I talk with her, I am impressed with her confidence, calmness and assertiveness. She has 22 years in the program and is mother of a teenager. She is everything I thought I wanted in a sponsor.
When you are beginning a sponsor relationship, you're supposed to call that person everyday for the first 30 days so she and I talked yesterday and today. I realize now that I got exactly what I thought I was supposed to have. Her attitudes and opinions are exactly the same as the religious conservatives in my life that I have to engage with on a daily basis but that I try to distance myself from emotionally. It's just when she says those words, she couches them in "Program" lingo as opposed to religious lingo. Don't get me wrong, she lives the principles and advice that she gives me; there is no hypocrisy here. But she "expects" that I will eventually get to the place that she is at, and to me right now, it feels like it is taking me back to the place where I grew up and to which I hope never to return.
One thing I am learning through this whole process is to trust myself, that I should not - cannot - do anything unless I feel ready to do it. I was not ready to initiate the sponsor relationship and only did so because that is what I thought I was "supposed" to do. When the time is right, and the right sponsor comes along, I trust that I will know it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
using the 9th step to my advantage
In Al Anon, they use basically the same 12 Steps as Alcoholics Anonymous. You begin with step 1 and you go in order, only moving on when you have completely finished up the previous step.
I'm still struggling with step 1, ""We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." My life is in total chaos, but I think I am managing just fine, thank-you very much.
In my quest to find my "home" meeting (the meeting that I attend most regularly and associate myself with), I went to a meeting the other night that focuses on the 12 Steps. (Many of the meetings have themes. For example, it may be a book study or the intended target group is adult children of alcoholics.) They were on step 9 that night, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." While most members who shared spoke about making amends to people in their lives, one woman talked about making amends to herself; she began taking better care of herself.
I thought, Now that my daughter is in a safe place, I can make amends to myself as well. I took two days off work and am busy trying to make up for a month of neglect.
The first thing I did was clean my daughter's things out MY room and put them back into her room. When I caught her on the computer late at night, I took her doors off her bedroom and her closet. When I found out about the Eating Disorders, I took the door off her bathroom and hung up a curtain instead. When I found out she was coming home from the hospital, I packed up almost everything in her room (into those office, file folder boxes, 20 in all). All these things needed to be put somewhere and since my garage is already full and overflowing, I ended up moving them into my bedroom.
I work from home and my desk is in my bedroom, however, it isolates me from the rest of the house. When my daughter came home, I decided to move my desk out into the loft so that I could be more aware of what was going on with her and my son. While I accomplished exactly that, I also could hear every noise, every conversation that was going on everywhere because the loft is centrally located in the house. It DROVE ME CRAZY.
I tried noise cancelling headphones but they gave me a headache. When I had a teleconference, I had to ask everyone ahead of time to not watch TV and to keep the noise down. I record videos for work but there was no way I could do that in the loft. Occasionally I would take my laptop into my bedroom and try to work using a wireless connection, but I need a large screen due to the nature of the work I do. Yesterday I spent three hours moving my desk and computers back into my bedroom. I am especially ecstatic to have doors and to be able to shut out the rest of the house.
And finally I have started exercising everyday and eating in a way that works for my body.
At first we were told my daughter could not exercise at all due to the ED but then they said she could exercise half an hour a day. So we would take walks and occasionally go to the gym. But now I have begun swimming and am enjoying the silence and rhythmic deep breathing that go with being under water.
When your child has ED, you avoid all mention of dieting and not wanting to eat this or that. When I planned meals, I tried to make things my daughter liked and I knew she couldn't resist. The problem is, I can't resist them either! When my daughter cooked, I always ate what she made, which frequently included homemade pasta and desserts. Now that neither kid is home, I am back to eating very few refined carbs, enjoying mostly proteins, whole grains, salads and fruit.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm kind of glad. Two days off was just what I needed to recharge my battery.
I'm still struggling with step 1, ""We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." My life is in total chaos, but I think I am managing just fine, thank-you very much.
In my quest to find my "home" meeting (the meeting that I attend most regularly and associate myself with), I went to a meeting the other night that focuses on the 12 Steps. (Many of the meetings have themes. For example, it may be a book study or the intended target group is adult children of alcoholics.) They were on step 9 that night, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." While most members who shared spoke about making amends to people in their lives, one woman talked about making amends to herself; she began taking better care of herself.
I thought, Now that my daughter is in a safe place, I can make amends to myself as well. I took two days off work and am busy trying to make up for a month of neglect.
The first thing I did was clean my daughter's things out MY room and put them back into her room. When I caught her on the computer late at night, I took her doors off her bedroom and her closet. When I found out about the Eating Disorders, I took the door off her bathroom and hung up a curtain instead. When I found out she was coming home from the hospital, I packed up almost everything in her room (into those office, file folder boxes, 20 in all). All these things needed to be put somewhere and since my garage is already full and overflowing, I ended up moving them into my bedroom.
I work from home and my desk is in my bedroom, however, it isolates me from the rest of the house. When my daughter came home, I decided to move my desk out into the loft so that I could be more aware of what was going on with her and my son. While I accomplished exactly that, I also could hear every noise, every conversation that was going on everywhere because the loft is centrally located in the house. It DROVE ME CRAZY.
I tried noise cancelling headphones but they gave me a headache. When I had a teleconference, I had to ask everyone ahead of time to not watch TV and to keep the noise down. I record videos for work but there was no way I could do that in the loft. Occasionally I would take my laptop into my bedroom and try to work using a wireless connection, but I need a large screen due to the nature of the work I do. Yesterday I spent three hours moving my desk and computers back into my bedroom. I am especially ecstatic to have doors and to be able to shut out the rest of the house.
And finally I have started exercising everyday and eating in a way that works for my body.
At first we were told my daughter could not exercise at all due to the ED but then they said she could exercise half an hour a day. So we would take walks and occasionally go to the gym. But now I have begun swimming and am enjoying the silence and rhythmic deep breathing that go with being under water.
When your child has ED, you avoid all mention of dieting and not wanting to eat this or that. When I planned meals, I tried to make things my daughter liked and I knew she couldn't resist. The problem is, I can't resist them either! When my daughter cooked, I always ate what she made, which frequently included homemade pasta and desserts. Now that neither kid is home, I am back to eating very few refined carbs, enjoying mostly proteins, whole grains, salads and fruit.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm kind of glad. Two days off was just what I needed to recharge my battery.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
don't bother me i'm watching people's court
Tonight it is beginning to dawn on me how tired I am. Part of it may be due to the extraordinarily busy weekend but I think that the stress of being "on" these past four weeks is finally getting to me.
My daughter is packing to go to the residential treatment facility tomorrow. Even though the facility has thoroughly reviewed her history and medical records and accepted her, and we have preliminary insurance approval, there is no guarantee that she will actually be admitted. And we have no idea how long she will stay - it could be just a few days, it could be up to a month. I am looking forward to, hoping for, at least a few days of at-home solitude.
On the one hand, life with my daughter has been blissfully peaceful the last week. The medication is working and helping her sleep and keeping her mood steady. She has resumed some of her favorite hobbies (much to our family's benefit) such as playing piano and singing, cooking, and crocheting. We have actually enjoyed the last few NA meetings and had good conversations when they were over.
But it has also been incredibly stressful... Monitoring what she is eating; wondering if she is throwing up when I am busy in another part of the house. Checking several times during the day to see what she is doing when she is too quiet and occasionally making sure she is still in bed in the middle of the night. Ensuring she is not too bored for any length of time (which is usually how trouble begins). Trying to not overreact when she does something stupid, like spilling a half gallon of blue latex paint on the tan carpeting. Giving her the medication, planning our lives around NA and Al Anon meetings, constantly checking to make sure that I have my phone (so she cannot use it), and that all medications and other dangerous substances are locked up.
And fighting the desire to believe that she is fine now, that today it is ok for me to go back to living my normal, oblivious life.
So tomorrow, after I get back from the residential center, don't be worried if you don't hear from me for a while. Hopefully I will be in my room, the door locked, phone turned off, curled up in bed, mindlessly catching up on four week's worth of People's Court and Matlock reruns (yes, I DVR those shows).
My daughter is packing to go to the residential treatment facility tomorrow. Even though the facility has thoroughly reviewed her history and medical records and accepted her, and we have preliminary insurance approval, there is no guarantee that she will actually be admitted. And we have no idea how long she will stay - it could be just a few days, it could be up to a month. I am looking forward to, hoping for, at least a few days of at-home solitude.
On the one hand, life with my daughter has been blissfully peaceful the last week. The medication is working and helping her sleep and keeping her mood steady. She has resumed some of her favorite hobbies (much to our family's benefit) such as playing piano and singing, cooking, and crocheting. We have actually enjoyed the last few NA meetings and had good conversations when they were over.
But it has also been incredibly stressful... Monitoring what she is eating; wondering if she is throwing up when I am busy in another part of the house. Checking several times during the day to see what she is doing when she is too quiet and occasionally making sure she is still in bed in the middle of the night. Ensuring she is not too bored for any length of time (which is usually how trouble begins). Trying to not overreact when she does something stupid, like spilling a half gallon of blue latex paint on the tan carpeting. Giving her the medication, planning our lives around NA and Al Anon meetings, constantly checking to make sure that I have my phone (so she cannot use it), and that all medications and other dangerous substances are locked up.
And fighting the desire to believe that she is fine now, that today it is ok for me to go back to living my normal, oblivious life.
So tomorrow, after I get back from the residential center, don't be worried if you don't hear from me for a while. Hopefully I will be in my room, the door locked, phone turned off, curled up in bed, mindlessly catching up on four week's worth of People's Court and Matlock reruns (yes, I DVR those shows).
Thursday, August 4, 2011
excuses to be in denial
I was looking over my last two postings and noticed that I used the words "our" and "us" totally without realizing it. Of course the first two words that popped into my head were "co-dependent" and "enabling." In Al Anon meetings, they tell you that the disease of addiction is the addict's disease and not to make it yours. But most of the time, people who say that are dealing with adult addicts. You are allowed to disengage from an adult who is destroying themself. I struggle from the other side. I have no problems saying "This is your problem, you deal with it." I've said it to many people over the years (maybe not out loud but by cutting myself off from them). As the mother of a minor, the law forces me to stay engaged.
Early on, I found myself saying it was "her" problem, that "she" needed to be fixed. But when a child becomes addicted, it is a family problem. I started forcing myself to use plural posessive pronouns to counteract my denial, to remind myself that we are in this together. And now I really believe it.
But talking about denial... It was a real struggle those first few days after my daughter came home from the hospital. We were supposed to go to three NA meetings a week. It was so hard to walk into a room full of hardcore addicts - people who had used cocaine and heroin for years, many who had been homeless, their bodies ravaged by the disease - and think that my beautiful, smart, talented daughter belonged there.
The first night we went to a meeting, we "suffered in silence" through it. The second night I was determined to find a meeting that felt more comfortable for us and we drove to three different locations, walking out of the first two even before the meeting started. The third one, conducted at a church in a quiet, middle class suburb, ended up being tolerable and that is where we go now for most of our meetings. Most of the people who attend here are still hardcore addicts but now I find them to be our best teachers.
Another excuse for denial is the words that were used. We couldn't go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting because alcohol was not her substance of choice. We couldn't relate to people who used cocaine and heroin because she didn't use those substances. (That statement is pure denial because she "did" try the harder stuff and more than once.) She wasn't an addict because she stopped using and said she didn't want to use any more. Besides, it was "just" marijuana and everyone knows that marijuana is not addictive.
But at every meeting, they end with the words, "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." And so we did. And when my daughter tried to tell me that she didn't belong in those meetings, with those people, I gently reminded her that she WAS an addict, even though I didn't really believe it either.
So last night I was thrilled to see my daughter stand up on her own when they asked people with 30 days to come forward, totally excited to be going up to get her chip. It was wonderful to see the other members crowd around her at the end and tell her how proud they were of her. And I thank God that in this moment, we are where we are supposed to be.
Early on, I found myself saying it was "her" problem, that "she" needed to be fixed. But when a child becomes addicted, it is a family problem. I started forcing myself to use plural posessive pronouns to counteract my denial, to remind myself that we are in this together. And now I really believe it.
But talking about denial... It was a real struggle those first few days after my daughter came home from the hospital. We were supposed to go to three NA meetings a week. It was so hard to walk into a room full of hardcore addicts - people who had used cocaine and heroin for years, many who had been homeless, their bodies ravaged by the disease - and think that my beautiful, smart, talented daughter belonged there.
The first night we went to a meeting, we "suffered in silence" through it. The second night I was determined to find a meeting that felt more comfortable for us and we drove to three different locations, walking out of the first two even before the meeting started. The third one, conducted at a church in a quiet, middle class suburb, ended up being tolerable and that is where we go now for most of our meetings. Most of the people who attend here are still hardcore addicts but now I find them to be our best teachers.
Another excuse for denial is the words that were used. We couldn't go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting because alcohol was not her substance of choice. We couldn't relate to people who used cocaine and heroin because she didn't use those substances. (That statement is pure denial because she "did" try the harder stuff and more than once.) She wasn't an addict because she stopped using and said she didn't want to use any more. Besides, it was "just" marijuana and everyone knows that marijuana is not addictive.
But at every meeting, they end with the words, "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." And so we did. And when my daughter tried to tell me that she didn't belong in those meetings, with those people, I gently reminded her that she WAS an addict, even though I didn't really believe it either.
So last night I was thrilled to see my daughter stand up on her own when they asked people with 30 days to come forward, totally excited to be going up to get her chip. It was wonderful to see the other members crowd around her at the end and tell her how proud they were of her. And I thank God that in this moment, we are where we are supposed to be.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
what is needed right now
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
We say it at the beginning and end of every Al Anon and NA meeting. It has taken on whole new levels - whole new dimensions - of meaning for me.
So right now I am asking for courage.
And wishing God would give wisdom to the stumbling block that I am having to deal with right now.
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
We say it at the beginning and end of every Al Anon and NA meeting. It has taken on whole new levels - whole new dimensions - of meaning for me.
So right now I am asking for courage.
And wishing God would give wisdom to the stumbling block that I am having to deal with right now.
a new parents' support group
Last night we (my ex-husband and I) checked out a parents' support group for parents who have or had their kids treated at this residential treatment facility over in the next county. I thought it was a very positive experience and the parents there had nothing but positive things to say about the program.
The Ex has been very reluctant about treatment for our daughter. He is not convinced that she has done drugs or has an eating disorder. He wants to believe that she is just saying all these things to create drama, to manipulate us. But I think he is finally accepting the fact that even if she is "just" lying as he thinks, that is indicative of very serious emotional and behavioral problems. Problems we are not equipped to handle.
One of the huge benefits of the meeting was that he was able to hear things from other parents that he has not been able to hear from me. As they talked about their kids, we heard echoes of what we have been experiencing with our daughter the past three years. And we got a glimpse of our future if we don't get this under control.
When we mentioned that our daughter was 14, one of the parents said "Its good that you caught this early" and I laughed out loud. Not because I thought she was an idiot but because, as ridiculous as that statement sounds, I totally believe it and agree with her. And I think only the parent of an addicted child can understand that.
I hope to put her into the program tomorrow but The Ex is still holding out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The Ex has been very reluctant about treatment for our daughter. He is not convinced that she has done drugs or has an eating disorder. He wants to believe that she is just saying all these things to create drama, to manipulate us. But I think he is finally accepting the fact that even if she is "just" lying as he thinks, that is indicative of very serious emotional and behavioral problems. Problems we are not equipped to handle.
One of the huge benefits of the meeting was that he was able to hear things from other parents that he has not been able to hear from me. As they talked about their kids, we heard echoes of what we have been experiencing with our daughter the past three years. And we got a glimpse of our future if we don't get this under control.
When we mentioned that our daughter was 14, one of the parents said "Its good that you caught this early" and I laughed out loud. Not because I thought she was an idiot but because, as ridiculous as that statement sounds, I totally believe it and agree with her. And I think only the parent of an addicted child can understand that.
I hope to put her into the program tomorrow but The Ex is still holding out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
this wasn't supposed to happen
Recently my 14 year old daughter attempted suicide. It was the second time in two years. The first time she said she wasn't really trying to kill herself; she just wanted the pain to stop. This time she couldn't say that as evidenced by the fact that she took a handful of prescription pills and she had no idea what they were for or the effect they would have.
In the aftermath, it has come out that she started drinking alcohol as early as age 11 and she is now addicted to drugs. She has been promiscuous, as in multiple partners. And she has eating disorders. With an "s." As in more than one. Did I mention that she is 14?
I'm doing everything "the professionals" tell me to do. Child Protective Services came to my home and interviewed me and my son. We are going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings 2-3 times a week. I have found an Al Anon meeting and am trying to go at least once a week. I journal. I read my Al Anon devotionals. I try to keep my daughter busy and even-keeled (made a whole lot easier by her anti-psychotic prescription meds).
And I ask, how did this happen? How did we end up here?
In the aftermath, it has come out that she started drinking alcohol as early as age 11 and she is now addicted to drugs. She has been promiscuous, as in multiple partners. And she has eating disorders. With an "s." As in more than one. Did I mention that she is 14?
I'm doing everything "the professionals" tell me to do. Child Protective Services came to my home and interviewed me and my son. We are going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings 2-3 times a week. I have found an Al Anon meeting and am trying to go at least once a week. I journal. I read my Al Anon devotionals. I try to keep my daughter busy and even-keeled (made a whole lot easier by her anti-psychotic prescription meds).
And I ask, how did this happen? How did we end up here?
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