enjoying the freedom that comes with knowing your child is safe

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and energized. It is so freeing to know that my daughter is in a good place. Part of the admission process to the residential treatment program was that she went off with a therapist and her dad and I also sat and talked with the program director/therapist for an hour or so. When we left, my daughter handed me a letter listing out her drug activity for the past year. I cannot express how grateful I am. 

I was so frustrated with the hospital and partial hospitalization program where she spent her first three weeks after the suicide attempt. I had been an RN at that very hospital system for 5 years but I totally was unprepared for the mental health system. They told us nothing (unless we asked, mind you we had NO IDEA what to ask), I saw very little progress or changes. I was shocked and extremely frustrated by the lack of information they provide parents.

It was not until I spoke with a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist that I began to understand the process. The lack of information about my daughter's treatment was mainly due to the law and patient privacy rights including those of minors. Progress is slow in mental health. It's not like you can take an X-Ray and make a diagnosis. These are not problems that will be fixed by pills or a few therapy sessions.

Hospitalization in a behavioral med unit is not about "fixing" anything. Drug users (even those from nice, middle class homes) are out of balance nutritionally, physically, emotionally.  Hospitalization is about determining a diagnosis and getting the patient back into balance so that they are at a point where they can just begin treatment. I now realize it is like calling an ambulance in an emergency. The goal of the paramedic is to stop the bleeding and get the patient stabilized for transport to a hospital. This is what the psych unit does.

Partial Hospitalization (spending 7 - 8 hours a day in an outpatient setting) is also not necessarily about "fixing" anything. It is about keeping your child in a safe and controlled environment in the aftermath of crisis. While they did some therapy, it was mainly group which is helpful but does not allow the individual to do the real and personal work needed to begin getting better. My daughter came home each day telling me about other kids in the program, about how bad the food was, what movies they watched that day. Nothing about herself.

So you can see why I am so excited to get that letter. In just one hour, she has come clean, opened up, about so much.

I am not expecting miracles or that my daughter will come home "cured" in one week. We have a long road ahead of us rife with the possibility of relapse. But for today I am grateful that my child is safe and in a place that will help us all.