don't bother me i'm watching people's court

Tonight it is beginning to dawn on me how tired I am. Part of it may be due to the extraordinarily busy weekend but I think that the stress of being "on" these past four weeks is finally getting to me.

My daughter is packing to go to the residential treatment facility tomorrow. Even though the facility has thoroughly reviewed her history and medical records and accepted her, and we have preliminary insurance approval, there is no guarantee that she will actually be admitted. And we have no idea how long she will stay - it could be just a few days, it could be up to a month. I am looking forward to, hoping for, at least a few days of  at-home solitude.

On the one hand, life with my daughter has been blissfully peaceful the last week. The medication is working and helping her sleep and keeping her mood steady. She has resumed some of her favorite hobbies (much to our family's benefit) such as playing piano and singing, cooking, and crocheting. We have actually enjoyed the last few NA meetings and had good conversations when they were over.

But it has also been incredibly stressful... Monitoring what she is eating; wondering if she is throwing up when I am busy in another part of the house. Checking several times during the day to see what she is doing when she is too quiet and occasionally making sure she is still in bed in the middle of the night. Ensuring she is not too bored for any length of time (which is usually how trouble begins). Trying to not overreact when she does something stupid, like spilling a half gallon of blue latex paint on the tan carpeting. Giving her the medication, planning our lives around NA and Al Anon meetings, constantly checking to make sure that I have my phone (so she cannot use it), and that all medications and other dangerous substances are locked up.

And fighting the desire to believe that she is fine now, that today it is ok for me to go back to living my normal, oblivious life.

So tomorrow, after I get back from the residential center, don't be worried if you don't hear from me for a while. Hopefully I will be in my room, the door locked, phone turned off, curled up in bed, mindlessly catching up on four week's worth of People's Court and Matlock reruns (yes, I DVR those shows).