sending a clear message

Last night I went to an Al Anon meeting and one of the members shared how she had lost her house because she spent so much money on rehab for her son. It reminded me of a tough conversation I had with my daughter.

*** I've debated writing about this and am still not sure I should. When I started this blog, I decided I wanted to be honest and open about what we are going through. I don't put this out there as some kind of example and I'm sure people will think I was horribly wrong for what I said. But I'm putting it out there anyway.***

The day that I picked up my daughter when she was discharged from the hospital, I said "Things are very different in the house now." She replied, "I'm sure they are."

I told her,
You have a clean slate with me beginning today but make no mistake:
I find out you are using drugs again and I will turn you over to the police myself.
If I find drugs in my house, I will call the police and turn them and you over and let them take you away.
I will not allow myself to be arrested because you use drugs.
If you get arrested for drug use, I will not bail you out nor will I hire a lawyer for you.
If you end up needing hospitalization again, you will not be going back to a nice cushy private hospital. I will drop you in the county system so fast and leave you there.
If you step outside the front door without me or another responsible adult with you, I will call the police and report you as a runaway and let them take you.
I am not going to go broke trying to keep you clean.
I am not going to lose my house and become homeless because of you. I am not going to let [your grandparents] and your brother become homeless because of you.

I have rules in my house and if you do not follow them, I don't know what I will do but there will be grave consequences. I do not like to make idle threats, which is why I cannot say what I will do, but there will be consequences and you won't like them.

I love you and as long as you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, which is going to treatment, going to meetings, actually working the 12 steps, I will keep a roof over your head, drive you where you need to go, and pay your medical bills.

But the moment you stop going, the moment you stop participating and working on getting better, I will stop paying the bills. You can find another place to live.

And when you decide to become clean again, and abide by my rules, then you will always be welcome back home.